THIS IS THE STORY OF A GIRL

THIS IS THE STORY OF A GIRL

It’s the evening of 13 March, and Freebird and I are devouring episodes of Scrubs on TV, as we’ve been doing for the past two weeks, and the umpteenth time. We’ve made it all the way to the final 9th season, with just a few more episodes to go. Incidentally, we’re in the exact same spot in our pregnancy – only 4 more days till due date. Freebird breaks a rule and leaves for the bathroom mid-episode. Freebird breaks rules…

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WHO ARE YOU (WHO WHO, WHO WHO)

WHO ARE YOU (WHO WHO, WHO WHO)

If Charlotte the midwife is to be believed, this will be the last entry of my blog before my daughter is born. The magical due date is 18 March – potentially stubborn foetus à la her mother not accounted for. If you’ve been a regular reader of these blogs you might have noticed that I have yet to drop a name for this child. Well, there ís no name yet – we have a shortlist, people. That’s how cool we are….

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SHOW ME HOW TO LIVE

SHOW ME HOW TO LIVE

Barring ill fortune, there should be more or less two weeks left before Freebird and I welcome little insert name here into the world, and let me tell you, these are turbulent times. Last week, sitting in our lounge, I suddenly became acutely aware of an eerie silence in a direction where I had imagined the wife to be occupying space. Sure enough, upon deeper investigation, I found her upside down and balancing on her head, whilst simultaneously operating the camera…

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HEY TEACHER LEAVE THEM KIDS ALONE

HEY TEACHER LEAVE THEM KIDS ALONE

I’m sure you’ve all heard by now that God is angry with Cape Town, and it won’t rain until the Cape Tonians repent for their sins. These are the ramblings of the famous evangelist and potato whisperer, Angus Buchan. I’m not quite sure why he singled out the Western Province – we too have experienced two terrible years of drought on our farm in the Eastern Cape, but perhaps the particular demographic of Cape Town causes the Almighty to scoff with…

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PLEASE TELL MOM THIS IS NOT HER FAULT

PLEASE TELL MOM THIS IS NOT HER FAULT

I remember taking it easy a few weeks ago in 2017. Those were the days… Now, it’s the Earthyear of fatherhood for me, and we’ve just hit the 32 week mark. Baby could be born at this stage with a very healthy shot at survival and normal development. I know this because Freebird and I are the recent graduates of a six session-long antenatal class, so we’re fucking clued-up. The continued exposure to baby-related content seems to have manifested itself…

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I DON’T WANNA BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYING TO BE LATELY

I DON’T WANNA BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYING TO BE LATELY

I enjoy looking at the human experience through the eyes of a child, and approaching parenthood excites me for this very reason, airport priority privileges aside. I can just imagine having discussions with a little human being, only hardwired with the basic operating system, not yet corrupted by any additional software add-ons. Do you prefer tea in a mug or a cup sweetheart? That sounds like a stoopid thing to care about daddy. I’m not stupid, you’re stupid. I often need…

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THE QUIET THINGS THAT NO ONE EVER KNOWS

THE QUIET THINGS THAT NO ONE EVER KNOWS

A guy is standing in a crowded room, just off centre stage, and all the focus is on the band. The guy wishes he could sing – and I mean really sing, like the ones who even scream beautifully, but at the same time, he doesn’t. He loves being a fan. If he could actually sing like that, it’s likely his appreciation would be of a different kind, and he would never trade that feeling. Nowhere else in life does…

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I DON’T CARE WHAT NOBODY SAYS

I DON’T CARE WHAT NOBODY SAYS

SEE ABOUT PAGE FOR MORE CONTEXT. Let me start this journey with a confession. When my wife and I went for our 20 week scan and subsequently found out we were having a girl, I was disappointed. I had told people I was neutral in this regard – I’ve seen humans lie before, and they usually lie in this type of setting when attempting to avoid controversy. I guess that’s what I was doing, which annoys me, since I must be more conditioned…

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