HEY TEACHER LEAVE THEM KIDS ALONE

HEY TEACHER LEAVE THEM KIDS ALONE

I’m sure you’ve all heard by now that God is angry with Cape Town, and it won’t rain until the Cape Tonians repent for their sins. These are the ramblings of the famous evangelist and potato whisperer, Angus Buchan. I’m not quite sure why he singled out the Western Province – we too have experienced two terrible years of drought on our farm in the Eastern Cape, but perhaps the particular demographic of Cape Town causes the Almighty to scoff with…

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PLEASE TELL MOM THIS IS NOT HER FAULT

PLEASE TELL MOM THIS IS NOT HER FAULT

I remember taking it easy a few weeks ago in 2017. Those were the days… Now, it’s the Earthyear of fatherhood for me, and we’ve just hit the 32 week mark. Baby could be born at this stage with a very healthy shot at survival and normal development. I know this because Freebird and I are the recent graduates of a six session-long antenatal class, so we’re fucking clued-up. The continued exposure to baby-related content seems to have manifested itself…

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I DON’T WANNA BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYING TO BE LATELY

I DON’T WANNA BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYING TO BE LATELY

I enjoy looking at the human experience through the eyes of a child, and approaching parenthood excites me for this very reason, airport priority privileges aside. I can just imagine having discussions with a little human being, only hardwired with the basic operating system, not yet corrupted by any additional software add-ons. Do you prefer tea in a mug or a cup sweetheart? That sounds like a stoopid thing to care about daddy. I’m not stupid, you’re stupid. I often need…

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THE QUIET THINGS THAT NO ONE EVER KNOWS

THE QUIET THINGS THAT NO ONE EVER KNOWS

A guy is standing in a crowded room, just off centre stage, and all the focus is on the band. The guy wishes he could sing – and I mean really sing, like the ones who even scream beautifully, but at the same time, he doesn’t. He loves being a fan. If he could actually sing like that, it’s likely his appreciation would be of a different kind, and he would never trade that feeling. Nowhere else in life does…

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I DON’T CARE WHAT NOBODY SAYS

I DON’T CARE WHAT NOBODY SAYS

SEE ABOUT PAGE FOR MORE CONTEXT. Let me start this journey with a confession. When my wife and I went for our 20 week scan and subsequently found out we were having a girl, I was disappointed. I had told people I was neutral in this regard – I’ve seen humans lie before, and they usually lie in this type of setting when attempting to avoid controversy. I guess that’s what I was doing, which annoys me, since I must be more conditioned…

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